I have known love.

I have known love. 

And nothing can take that from me. 

I have been changed. I have been molded like piece of play-doh. And in the midst of bad pain, I have laughed several times. I am in such a different place than I was 7 years ago. I am finding strength, nearness, even peace in the middle of tears and ugly sobs. Jesus is near. They are near. 

I can see them looking at me with that satisfied grin, that sweet twist of the mouth. "You are amazing. You are adorable." And then, "you are worthy of this cup." "I trust you to carry it." 

What. Let the cup pass. Let it be a bad dream. I don't want it. I want to escape it. But I TRUST you. I TRUST the good story you are telling. I waaaaaaaaaannnnnt to be with him for all of my days. But even 70 years together would not have been long enough. Tell your story, Good God.